Swallow the Little Pill

Recently I’ve been using VTAN for my burgeoning “podcast network”.

If you listen to Long Distance Bromance, Sibling Drive-alry, Bored Games and Betcha Forgot, then you know recently I’ve been talking on the podcasts a whole lot and not writing the way I used to.

Here goes, a “real” blog entry:

I’ve been struggling with maintaining sobriety in my life. I’ve been in “the program” for 268 days but it’s only been 61 days since I got uncontrollably smashed!

I blame Team Canada and the Olympics but it’s really MY FAULT, not anyone else’s

Tonight I didn’t do my usual bingeing on 18 year old Scotch. Maybe a $140 bottle on Lagavulin or LaPhroig.

While my mouth waters just THINKING about a tumbler of neat whiskey, today I stole a bunch of pain pills from my dad.

He’s in really bad shape health wise, and he has A TON of prescription drugs that just kept BEGGING me to take them out of the cabinet and putting them in my belly.

So now here I am. Wandering the streets after midnight, playing my harmonica to scare people. Making kids in their beds think there’s a harmonica ghost or something.
Looking for the only fast food joint that’s still open and stuffing my face with late night pizza.

I almost got into a fight with a bunch of “angry teens” because I wouldn’t share my pie.

I’m going to be so embarrassed when I sober up and read this but fuck it.

That’s Sober Josh’s problem. Fuck that guy he’s an asshole!!!

I don’t know who the hell would be interested in reading this but I’ll throw it out into the world and see what happens.

So I’m sitting in a pizza place using my iTelephone to blog.

My battery is dying.

I need to take advantage of the free wi-fi and blog this while I’m in this state of mind.

IN VINO VERITAS!

My pharmacologically altered state of mind I can be honest for REALS GUYS!!!

Ok here are my true confessions!

I’m unhappy with almost every aspect of my life.

I can’t ever imagine a situation that will cause that to change. There is no solution to this problem.

I have such a stubborn temperament that makes it impossible for me to socialize with other humans.

I hate almost everyone I meet. I judge people based on their taste in movies, television, music and books.

I believe that when making friends “What you like” is more important than “what you ARE like”.

I like such weird things. This long weekend I spent the whole time watching EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the Twilight Zone and playing LEGEND OF ZELDA: Ocarina of Time.

Then all of a sudden I Jeckle/Hyde and I’m in love with Dan Schnieder’s Nickelodeon shows. iCarly, Victorious, Sam & Cat. I honestly feel these are among the best produced TV shows in history.

What kind of weirdo WORSHIPS Star Wars but hates all other sci-fi? I FUCKING HATE DR. WHO, STARGATE, ORPHAN BLACK, LOST GIRL and all that other bullshit.

I was on a date with a girl from Plenty of Fish and got up and left in the middle of the meal when she asked me “Who’s your favourite Doctor?”

I threw a wad of cash to pay the bill and just walked away without saying a word.

THAT’S HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT.

But I get a ton of crap from everyone because I like One Direction.

Most of these people who hate these guys KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEM!

At least I watched the stuff I hate.

I’ve seen EVERY EPISODE of the Big Bang Theory because I want to be able to construct an informed argument when I tell people why IT’S THE WORST FUCKING SHOW EVER MADE!!!!

Holy shit. I should not blog when I’m high as balls the way I am now.

iCarly is so fucking good. It’s a PERFECT SITCOM. It’s so self aware of the tropes they were using.

People my age look back on Saved by the Bell and Boy Meets World as being so good. The shows are SO SHITTY but our nostalgia makes us think it’s good.

I’m doing reverse nostalgia. iCarly is this generation’s Saved by the Bell and in the future it will be remembered so fondly. The only difference is that it’s SUCH A BETTER SHOW.

Just watch it.

Listen to One Direction’s Midnight Memories.

I also LOVE Kevin Smith, I listen to ALL his SModcast podcasts.

Nerdist is ALWAYS in my ears when I’m walkin’ about.

I have SO FUCKING MUCH ROOSTER TEETH MERCHANDISE. Hoodies, T-Shirt Tuesdays shirts. I’ve been an RT Sponsor for 3 years.

Why do I need to prove my “nerd cred”?

I have the weirdest taste. I LOVE HIP HOP and classic rock is in my blood and bones. But I also have Weird Al in my iTunes.

I’m eclectic. I just like what I like and I hate that I feel like people always try to “categorize” me.

I am so fucking stoned right now.

It’s time to stop this pill fuelled ranting and walk home.

There’s a couple VTAN podcasts that we’ve recorded and I’ll release them soon.

Kyle is gonna be out of town until June because he’s working on a real HOLLYWOOD MOVIE!!!

So it might be a while before you get a “new” VTAN podcast.

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