Eat the Powdered Donut

I’m a big fan of the incongruous, non sequitur, style of humour. The kind of stuff that most people would label (a bit inaccurately) as “random jokes”.

The reason I hate when people say my humour is random is the same reason I hate when people lean on the word “incredibly”.

It just makes people seem like they’re speaking lazily. Not choosing their words carefully.

Nothing I do, particularly when it comes to trying to make other people laugh, is random. I choose my words hoping to deliver the maximum comedic punch.

So when I’m sitting with friends watching a movie where a bunch of people are eating big fat, deliciously disgusting burritos I’ll say something like, “Damn… you know what I feel like eating all of a sudden?”

Invariably people will answer “burritos” or “Mexican food?” but instead I’ll shake my head and hit ’em with “Nah, man! Remember when Space Jam came out and they made all those Michael Jordan and Looney Toons gummy candies… THAT’S what I’m craving right now!”

It’s the completely disjointed unrelatability of it that makes me, and hopefully other people, laugh, but again, it certainly isn’t random.

I think to myself “what is SO far outta left field, that it’ll throw these fuckers off their game?”

Right now, I’ve made something of a performance art piece of myself.

I’ve transmuted myself into a horrifying tableau of the obscure and seemingly random.

I’m sitting alone, in a 24 hour Tim Horton’s wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs baseball cap, an Achievement Hunter hoodie, tattered jeans and a pair of weatherbeaten Crocs. I’m eating a medium sized bag of peanut butter M&M’s, a boxed Spinach Salad with almonds and mandarin orange slices and a small plastic bag of red shell pistachios while simultaneously drinking a medium frozen lemonade, a piping hot extra large black coffee and a poorly disguised blue “riot punch” in an Aquafina water bottle.

I’m listening to a 7 year old episode of SModcast and reading an old dog-eared copy of Forever by Judy Blume.

It is the funniest joke I’ve ever seen.

And it’s probably only funny to one goddammed person in the world.

I just ordered myself a powdered donut.

I’m gonna eat it, finish up this last chapter, leave the book on my chair, and head home

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