Spank the L’il Monkey

Recently I’ve become more candid with what I choose to discuss with friends and strangers.

I literally don’t give a fuck!

If you think any topic is “off limits” I don’t want to talk to you.

When I sit down with a group of people I’ll flat out ask what kind of porn (if any) you like to jack off to.

I recently engaged in a THREE HOUR recording session with Kyle.

With careful editing we can maybe turn it into an episode of Betcha Forgot and maybe just a random VTAN Podcast about deflowering young ladies back in our highschool days.

More than likely the majority of our conversation will be lost in my personal archives and never released to the public.

It bothers me because while I have no problem discussing sex very frankly, I don’t want to drag other people into uncomfortable territory.

Since I can’t make a podcast without someone else to talk to, I guess it’ll have to be an ol’ fashioned blog post.

No fancy audio.

So, why title the entry with a euphemism for masturbating?

I’m currently in a period of self imposed celibacy.

For those of you who know me, I don’t have to tell you how I was drownin’ in da pussy for all of 2012-2013.

I look back and remember it like a montage in a sex comedy.

I’m fucking crazy. It’s not an exaggeration to say that I’m fucked up on the head.

I’m not fit to be dated by anyone.

I should be nobody’s partner.

Add to that, I take medication that supposedly makes me less crazy. It also negatively affects my libido.

When I started my “Year Without Poon” back in December I thought it would be hard (pun intended).

Recently I’ve discovered that I have lost all interest in women.

I know that sounds like I’m “comin’ out”, but I assure you, my heterosexuality is locked firmly in place. I can’t help it, I was born this way.

I just don’t want to date anyone.

Over the last few months I’ve discovered that I’m not even interested in jackin’ off.

I have almost zero sexual desire.

I’m interested in learning about the masturbatory habits of other’s just because I want to compare them to my own. You always want to see if you’re “normal” based on the standards of others.

So if I walk up to you , or even just message you online and ask “How often do you masturbate? Do you use porn? What kind?”

Don’t be alarmed. More people should be open about it.

It’s not the type of thing to be ashamed of.

Stay tuned.

Depending on how the audio is edited you may or may not hear more about me and Kyle and our sick and deviant behaviour.

We’ll see.


One thought on “Spank the L’il Monkey

  1. A better question for men and masturbation is “can you make it last/ can you ride the edge?” If you want to last longer, learning to get to the edge of orgasm and back off is the trick of the best lovers. No more rushing like mom is going to walk in and catch you!

    Better sex through masturbation, both men and women have better sex when they spend a little time with themselves.

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