Doo doot, Doo DOOT!

On today’s VTAN, Kyle and Callie talk about how life has changed one month since their wedding then discuss ideas for their upcoming marriage/movie review podcast. Josh tells us a little something about his 30 Day Vegan Healthy Living Challenge and posits the question: Do YOU know the name of that song that goes “Doo doot, Doo DOOT. Doo doot, Doo

 

April Fool’s (Wedding) Day!

Kyle and Callie got married.

Josh watched.

Now, a week later the three of them talk about everything that went into planning and executing the greatest wedding of all time.

(P.S. A nasty cold has been going around and Callie’s mic cable kept falling out, so please excuse all the coughs, sniffles and intermittent fuzzy audio)

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Screwy Guy Pod

It’s finally here!

Suicide-SquadNope, we’re not just talkin’ about Suicide Squad, we’re talkin’ about VTAN!

A new episode of the podcast is also FINALLY here and we’re giving our thoughts on DC’s latest.

Did we love it? Hate it?

Find out on today’s episode of the VTAN Podcast!

 

Deadpool 2: The Future

The VTAN boys are back and they’re ready to finally talk about Deadpool.

Did they love it?
Spoiler Alarm: Yes, but they have plenty of salty things to say about it.

Stay tuned ’til the very end to hear Josh’s crazy ideas for Deadpool 2

VTAN Rewind: Top 5 Movies of 2014

Today is Oscar Night! The “best” movies and actors will be announced, but here at VTAN we like to throw around our own movie awards.

We know you LOVED our Top 5 of 2015, so in the spirit of nostalgia here’s a re-release of last year’s Top 5 episode. It’s presented here as it was, in it’s original form, unedited, not like George Lucas’s bullshit Special Editions!

It makes an excellent companion piece with this year’s Top 5 Episode

Star Wars Review-cast

 

Kyle and Josh recorded a review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens shortly after the New Year, but we decided on holding off on the release until everyone had a chance to watch it.

Of course Josh thinks that it was a perfect, flawless, piece of imaginative film making and Kyle is just a jerk determined  to find fault in anything that makes Josh feel even the tiniest shred of happiness in his cold, dark, soul…

So we talk about Star Wars and Josh briefly mentions his obsession with Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Brodway masterpiece Hamilton.

All Star Team Up

The VTAN Podcast’s unscheduled and uncomfortably long hiatus has finally come to an end! We’re back, bitches!

This episode was released simultaneously on The whyCarly Podcast feed in an effort to get some of that sweet crossover traffic.

It worked for Flash and Arrow, right?

Today we open Christmas gifts, we get a Hollywood insider scoop on some of the movies Kyle’s been working on and we speculate on how good Josh would be at giving handjobs.

My guess?

REAL GOOD!

Comic-Con Roundup!

After a long absence, Josh and Kyle ARE BACK!!!

This time, aside from getting lost in crazy tangents about 50 Shades of Grey, Donald Trump and Family Matters, they’re chattin’ about 3 things.

1) Star Wars Se7en

2) Batman 5 Superman, and

3) Suicide Squad.

Hear all the news from Comic-Con and find out what the VTAN boys are excited about, what they think looks dumb, and what gave Josh the weirdest boner.

NEGElR0dx87XJM_2_b

Devil Worship

Today’s VTAN starts and ends with an in depth analysis of the Netflix Original Series Daredevil.

In the middle is a big ol’ Suicide Squad geek out and if you stick around ’til the very end you’ll get a sneak peak of Josh’s upcoming summer single/auto-tune masterpiece “Spoon Sucker”.

[This episode was recorded 15 minutes before we saw Avengers: Age of Ultron]

Revengers 2: Asia Voltron (part II: The ACTUAL Review)

OK folks, I know the last episode barely scratched the surface. We hardly talked about the movie but not so today! Today we get into it. No more foreplay! Today I am a man… or at least a 12 year old girl. Here’s the Bat Mitzvah pics to prove it.

imageThat’s just a picture of some of the shenanigans Callie and I got up to during Kyle’s 40 MINUTE BATHROOM BREAK while we were waiting to get into Avengers : Age of Ultron this past Saturday night.

Listen to our spoiler full review.

 

It’S GOT TONSA SPOILERS!!!

 

Revengers 2: Asia Voltron (Part I)

Kyle, Josh and Callie are back after a long hiatus to talk about The Revengers… eventually.

 

In today’s episode we PRE-view the movie one hour before watching it and discuss our expectations all while getting side tracked with long winded digressions about Furious 7, Arrow, Daredevil and (most randomly) Star Trek Voyager.

Stay tuned for Part II when we actually review the movie after having seen it.

 

1 Non-Troll: The Day of the Dress and the Power Ranger Freakout

Is Josh crazy for hating Gotham to religiously fundamentalist proportions? Would Allison Williams make the best Link in a live action Zelda movie?

I dunno…

All I do know is that the dress is goddamned blue and that power rangers short film sucked so goddamned many balls!

 

 

Also, personal anecdotes re: orthodontia are interesting to NOBODY!

50 Shades of VTAN

Kyle, Callie, Josh and friend of the show Dan Fisher went to the Queensway V.I.P. Theatre to watch the 4:20 SHOWING OF 50 SHADES OF GREY.

The 4:20 show… take from that what you will.

FullSizeRender

Dan is sleeping, perpetuating the stereotype of the post coital drowsy man.

 

 

Top 5 Movies of 2014

‘sup?

Here, almost a full month into 2015, Kyle and Josh bring you their top five movies of 2014. Interestingly enough Top Five wasn’t on either of our lists… is that racist?

Who knows?

 

Frankencast 2015

An 8 minute intro followed by a cut-and-paste hodgepodge of “deleted scenes” from 3 unreleased episodes.

What better way to start the year?

[Caution: If you love cats, Lord of the Rings, Fiona Apple or Dungeons and Dragons prepare to hear me defend them all while other people shit all over them.]

In all seriousness I must apologize for the lack of updates in recent weeks/months but we should be able to get our shit together from here on out.

Pictured: Guy with shit together...

Pictured: Guy with shit together…

Bored Games 6: Settlers of Catan

It’s that game that everybody seems to think is so good! Settlers of Goddamned Catan!

I Can Sense Your Sarcasm and I F$#king Hate It, L.P. !

So Kyle & Josh attended the open casting call for Big Brother Canada and made a friend standing in line. His name was L.P. and Josh got fed up with his goddamned sarcasm pretty quickly.

Marvel vs DC and Strippers vs Gravity

New podcast means more bullshit from Kyle and Josh.
Today’s topics: strippers, iPhones and comic book heroes.

Bored Games #5: Bohnanza

Kyle, Callie and I play the German, bean based, economics simulating, card game Bohnanza.

bohnanza

Something about hoes? I’m too hungry to write jokes.

If you hate your liver take a shot any time somebody says “bean”.

Also Kyle’s brain is tested when Josh asks him the following hypothetical questions?

1) Would you take $10M if it meant you had to transform into a Disney character everytime you ejaculated? SUBQUESTION: Which Disney character would you choose?

2) How would you take advantage of the seemingly worthless superpower of being able to see through your eyelids?

3) Would you blow a wild rhino for a rockin’ Dolph Lundgren body?

4) If you could send your consciousness back in time to inhabit the body of any 80’s superstar, who is broke and washed up by 2014, who would it be?

Which of these two dudes does Kyle secretly want to be?

Which of these two dudes does Kyle secretly want to be?

I Don’t Care About Battlestar Galactica

Today Kyle and Josh argue about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Also, what does it say about you when Youtube’s “Recommended For You” videos are all a bunch of softcore fetish porn? On top of that Kyle refuses to let Josh talk about Battlestar Galactica… what an asshole.

 

Blackout! pt 2: The Fall of BlockBuster & The Rise of Josh

We get real in this episode. It was never meant to come out so we spoke more candidly than normal. You’ll hear LOTS of bleeps to hide names of people or other possibly incriminating details and lots of interruptions midsentence because huge sections have been cut out.

 

So if you’re a devoted listener you probably heard Kyle, Callie and I sitting at The Duke of York for our weekly trivia night when the lights went out. The blackout last April affected a pretty substantial part of the west end of Toronto.

The subway wasn’t even working so I couldn’t get home.

I take prescription medication for anxiety and my intense, irrational, fear that the power will never come back made me take more than I should have. You’ll notice I talk super fast and you can tell by how I talk that I’m riding an intense high.

Kyle and Callie, (heretofore to be known as Kylie) being proud “Eastenders” where pretty sure their building would have power.

In Part 1 of The Blackout we walked to Kylie’s and the episode ended right before we got into one of our famous 6 hour conversations since I figured nobody would want to hear it.

I managed to chop it into just under an hour of interesting conversation.

In this episode I try to convince Kyle to watch One Direction: This is Us on Blu-Ray and since he vehemently refuses we end up talking about the poor business decisions that caused BlockBuster Video to go out of business, my rampant alcoholism, the possibility of having a child and being a good parent and all the reasons why, after taking a crazy ride on the pussy train and having a revolving door of meaningless sexual relationships, I don’t want to date

ever again.

The intro song is Gold Rush by Ed Sheeran.
Buy his album.

The Legend of VTAN: A Link to the ‘Cast (part 1)

Literally no one, except for me, has been excited for this episode to come out, but it’s finally here and I’m giddy with girlish glee.

 

Kyle and I decided one lazy Sunday afternoon to play Zelda III from start to finish.

Since he’s gonna be gone for another 3 weeks I re-purposed this recording, which I had never intended on releasing, and turned it into a new edition of the VTAN Podcast.

Once Kyle returns we can go back to having real  episodes.

BLACKOUT! (Kill the Lights)

A few weeks ago there was a pretty big blackout that affected some parts of downtown Toronto. I was at The Duke of York for Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers Trivia so I took out my iTelephone and began recording the shenanigans.

 

On this special edition Kyle, Callie and I are joined by two of our trivia team members, Eric and Rowena, as we navigate a dark pub and the apocalyptic streets of T.O.

Find out what happens when we Kill The Lights

Kyle will be gone for the next 6 weeks and so in order to pass time I’ve been listening to recordings of his voice to fill the empty void in my soul. It only worries me when I start trying to have a conversation with these recordings.

To stop myself from becoming the kind of crazy person who talks to himself, I’m gonna try to actually get some use out of the recordings we never intended to release to the public.

Also, we’re finally  on the iTunes click here to subscribe and while you’re there downloading our podcast FOR FREE, buy some of David Usher’s songs. He’s my number one favourite recording artist of all time and it’s always good to support Canadian Arts.

Footnotes:

Kill the Lights (Accoustic Ver.)
Duke of York
Toronto to Barrie
Wentworth Miller comes out
CHUD
Skittle Bräu
Magic: The Gathering
Joe Flaherty
Jim Flaherty Dies
Rock Death Hoax
Ultimate Warrior Dies
John Pinette Dies
Mickey Rooney Dies
Canada Gun Ownership
Our friend Brian’s Uncle Fred
Kill the Lights

You’re Tearing Me Apart, Lisa!

I’ve seen a lot of movies in my day. Most have been good, some have been bad, but never did I dream of watching a movie so transcendentally bad that, like Alexander, I wept because “there were no more worlds to conquer”

Of course the movie I’m describing is Tommy Wiseau’s 2003 masterpiece The Room.

the-room

OH, HAI!

After being told by almost everyone how great this movie is, I finally sat down and watched it with my friends Kyle and Callie. This movie is 11 years old. You could say I’m a little late to the party.

Here’s our special commentary track for you to enjoy.

 

Bored Games: 7 Wonders

I told you we’d be back. As long as people are misguided enough to invite me over to play board games I’m gonna keep recording the conversations.

Just like Nixon.

SHUT UP, That's why!

SHUT UP, That’s why!

So here we are discussing technology, genetics, artificial intelligence and its potential to wipe out humanity.

We talk about sexual fetishism and the pros and cons of pleading insanity as a murder defense.

More than anything we discuss religion and the nature of God all while playing what is possibly the greatest board game of all time!

7w

André the Giant NOT included.

Click here to download, or use the player above to stream.

Betcha Forgot vol. 3

It’s that time again, children. More ‘membering!
[editor’s note: yes, that is the title of the sequel to Josh’s sex tape]

In this episode we discuss many of the shards of your childhood that have slipped your mind, but we also spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the sexual applications of Fun Dip.

I can't be the ONLY ONE who's confused one of these for a condom in a dark room before.

I can’t be the ONLY ONE who’s confused one of these for a condom in a dark room before.

 

What the hell else are you gonna do for the next 20 minutes?

Click here to download
since I’m still too lazy to put this on iTunes, or use the player above to stream.