Doo doot, Doo DOOT!

On today’s VTAN, Kyle and Callie talk about how life has changed one month since their wedding then discuss ideas for their upcoming marriage/movie review podcast. Josh tells us a little something about his 30 Day Vegan Healthy Living Challenge and posits the question: Do YOU know the name of that song that goes “Doo doot, Doo DOOT. Doo doot, Doo

 

April Fool’s (Wedding) Day!

Kyle and Callie got married.

Josh watched.

Now, a week later the three of them talk about everything that went into planning and executing the greatest wedding of all time.

(P.S. A nasty cold has been going around and Callie’s mic cable kept falling out, so please excuse all the coughs, sniffles and intermittent fuzzy audio)

subscribe on iTunes

Screwy Guy Pod

It’s finally here!

Suicide-SquadNope, we’re not just talkin’ about Suicide Squad, we’re talkin’ about VTAN!

A new episode of the podcast is also FINALLY here and we’re giving our thoughts on DC’s latest.

Did we love it? Hate it?

Find out on today’s episode of the VTAN Podcast!

 

Deadpool 2: The Future

The VTAN boys are back and they’re ready to finally talk about Deadpool.

Did they love it?
Spoiler Alarm: Yes, but they have plenty of salty things to say about it.

Stay tuned ’til the very end to hear Josh’s crazy ideas for Deadpool 2

VTAN Rewind: Top 5 Movies of 2014

Today is Oscar Night! The “best” movies and actors will be announced, but here at VTAN we like to throw around our own movie awards.

We know you LOVED our Top 5 of 2015, so in the spirit of nostalgia here’s a re-release of last year’s Top 5 episode. It’s presented here as it was, in it’s original form, unedited, not like George Lucas’s bullshit Special Editions!

It makes an excellent companion piece with this year’s Top 5 Episode

Top 5 Movies of 2015

Hoe.

Lee.

Fuck!

It has been FAR too long since the last episode and EVEN LONGER since we recorded what you’re about to hear. This was recorded about 2 weeks after new year’s when (as is VTAN Tradition) Kyle and I counted down our 2nd Annual Top 5 Favourite Movies of the Year List!

If you’re feeling sentimental you can check out what we had to say about last year’s movies here.

Did our picks match yours? Was there a really great movie that we somehow missed?

Am I crazy for thinking 50 Shades of Grey is the funniest movie of the year?

Listen and find out!

Star Wars Review-cast

 

Kyle and Josh recorded a review of Star Wars: The Force Awakens shortly after the New Year, but we decided on holding off on the release until everyone had a chance to watch it.

Of course Josh thinks that it was a perfect, flawless, piece of imaginative film making and Kyle is just a jerk determined  to find fault in anything that makes Josh feel even the tiniest shred of happiness in his cold, dark, soul…

So we talk about Star Wars and Josh briefly mentions his obsession with Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Brodway masterpiece Hamilton.

All Star Team Up

The VTAN Podcast’s unscheduled and uncomfortably long hiatus has finally come to an end! We’re back, bitches!

This episode was released simultaneously on The whyCarly Podcast feed in an effort to get some of that sweet crossover traffic.

It worked for Flash and Arrow, right?

Today we open Christmas gifts, we get a Hollywood insider scoop on some of the movies Kyle’s been working on and we speculate on how good Josh would be at giving handjobs.

My guess?

REAL GOOD!

Did You Say “Fecal Position”?


Kyle is outta town for two months working with Bill Paxton on a big Hollywood movie. Now Josh is stuck taking Kyle’s girlfriend shoe shopping in his absence. How is that fair? At least he has his burgeoning Periscope addiction to keep him happy…

On Today’s VTAN the lads get on Skype to talk a bit about The Martian, season 19 of South Park and which celebrity deaths would be the saddest. (hint: The correct answer is Paul McCartney).

This episode ends with an exciting cliffhanger that will be resolved next Wednesday on The whyCarly Podcast.

Kyle's bummed 'cause he can't tell the difference between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman.

Kyle’s bummed ’cause he can’t tell the difference between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman.

 

Flight of the Last Starfight in Paris (whyCarly Crossover)

If you listen to VTAN and for whatever reason aren’t already aware, Kyle and Josh host a second podcast all about the acclaimed Nickelodeon show iCarly. 

Today’s VTAN started off as an episode of whyCarly, but the boys ended up getting way off track and started talking about The Last Starfighter, The Flight of the Navigator, the infamous “butter scene” in Last Tango in Paris and a pornographic prequel to the classic cartoon show, Rugrats.

There was no other option  than to release it here on The VTAN Podcast where such topics are just par for the course.

This special episode of VTAN is the perfect gateway drug into whyCarly because it’ll show you that an appreciation (or even a cursory knowledge) of iCarly isn’t necessary to enjoy a podcast about two grown men watching a kid’s show.

You can subscribe on iTunes or follow on Twitter @whyCarlyPod

Comic-Con Roundup!

After a long absence, Josh and Kyle ARE BACK!!!

This time, aside from getting lost in crazy tangents about 50 Shades of Grey, Donald Trump and Family Matters, they’re chattin’ about 3 things.

1) Star Wars Se7en

2) Batman 5 Superman, and

3) Suicide Squad.

Hear all the news from Comic-Con and find out what the VTAN boys are excited about, what they think looks dumb, and what gave Josh the weirdest boner.

NEGElR0dx87XJM_2_b

whyCarly?: An Experiment

For those stalwart few devoted listeners of the VTAN Podcast who are wondering why it’s been so long since we’ve released a new episode, prepare for some exciting news.

We’re not gone. We’ve just been busy preparing our newest endeavor.

On July 1st (that’s Canada Day to the international crowd) we will be launching our new iCarly appreciation podcast whyCarly at whyCarly.Rocks

whyCarly-logo

I’m sure a lot of you are asking yourselves, “Why Carly?” and the answer is simple.

iCarly, a show that ran for 109 episodes (or 107 depending on who you ask) from 2007-2012 is a Nickelodeon show that was aimed at tween girls.

It is also (along with The Simpsons, Battlestar Galactica, Community and Frasier) one of my Top 5 Favourite shows of all time.

Listeners of the podcast will have heard me talk about it before and you almost certainly have heard Kyle make fun of me mercilessly for it.

That’s the point of this new podcast. To show my best friend and co-host Kyle the value of a seemingly innocuous kid’s show and to try to get him to change his mind. To convert him, as it were, into an iCarly fan.

Look for us on iTunes this Canada Day and follow us on twitter @whyCarlyPod

Devil Worship

Today’s VTAN starts and ends with an in depth analysis of the Netflix Original Series Daredevil.

In the middle is a big ol’ Suicide Squad geek out and if you stick around ’til the very end you’ll get a sneak peak of Josh’s upcoming summer single/auto-tune masterpiece “Spoon Sucker”.

[This episode was recorded 15 minutes before we saw Avengers: Age of Ultron]

Revengers 2: Asia Voltron (part II: The ACTUAL Review)

OK folks, I know the last episode barely scratched the surface. We hardly talked about the movie but not so today! Today we get into it. No more foreplay! Today I am a man… or at least a 12 year old girl. Here’s the Bat Mitzvah pics to prove it.

imageThat’s just a picture of some of the shenanigans Callie and I got up to during Kyle’s 40 MINUTE BATHROOM BREAK while we were waiting to get into Avengers : Age of Ultron this past Saturday night.

Listen to our spoiler full review.

 

It’S GOT TONSA SPOILERS!!!

 

Revengers 2: Asia Voltron (Part I)

Kyle, Josh and Callie are back after a long hiatus to talk about The Revengers… eventually.

 

In today’s episode we PRE-view the movie one hour before watching it and discuss our expectations all while getting side tracked with long winded digressions about Furious 7, Arrow, Daredevil and (most randomly) Star Trek Voyager.

Stay tuned for Part II when we actually review the movie after having seen it.

 

1 Non-Troll: The Day of the Dress and the Power Ranger Freakout

Is Josh crazy for hating Gotham to religiously fundamentalist proportions? Would Allison Williams make the best Link in a live action Zelda movie?

I dunno…

All I do know is that the dress is goddamned blue and that power rangers short film sucked so goddamned many balls!

 

 

Also, personal anecdotes re: orthodontia are interesting to NOBODY!

50 Shades of VTAN

Kyle, Callie, Josh and friend of the show Dan Fisher went to the Queensway V.I.P. Theatre to watch the 4:20 SHOWING OF 50 SHADES OF GREY.

The 4:20 show… take from that what you will.

FullSizeRender

Dan is sleeping, perpetuating the stereotype of the post coital drowsy man.

 

 

Josh is STILL a Feminist & Kyle Believes in Miracles

 

Finally the thrilling conclusion to Josh and Kyle’s Miracle Berry adventure.
This time we get an even more cringe inducing idea of what Josh believes “being a Feminist” actually means.

 

Beyoncé said it best… Girls run this mother-!

I’ll Never Be Called a Femi-Nazi, and THAT’S Sexist!

Kyle and Josh attempt to eat some Miracle Berry tablets and let their tongues go on an acid trip.

FullSizeRender_2

“Like Beer Goggles for your tongue” – rejected ad campaign

But before they do they GOTTA talk about Feminism, the Super Bowl, old episodes of The X-Files, The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim and their 2003 Cinderella Stanley Cup run, and of course we take a huge shit on the movie Snowpiercer.

 

All of this eventually became poo...

All of this eventually became poo…

Frankencast 2015

An 8 minute intro followed by a cut-and-paste hodgepodge of “deleted scenes” from 3 unreleased episodes.

What better way to start the year?

[Caution: If you love cats, Lord of the Rings, Fiona Apple or Dungeons and Dragons prepare to hear me defend them all while other people shit all over them.]

In all seriousness I must apologize for the lack of updates in recent weeks/months but we should be able to get our shit together from here on out.

Pictured: Guy with shit together...

Pictured: Guy with shit together…

Hobbit 2: Electric Bilbo-loo (Bonus Episode)

In anticipation of The Hobbit 3, we present a blast from the past.
The first ever podcast that Kyle and Josh ever recorded!
A comprehensive review from over a year ago plus Kyle’s inside celebrity gossip about Alison Brie and Colin Hanks straight from the set of No Stranger Than Love

Bored Games 6: Settlers of Catan

It’s that game that everybody seems to think is so good! Settlers of Goddamned Catan!

I Can Sense Your Sarcasm and I F$#king Hate It, L.P. !

So Kyle & Josh attended the open casting call for Big Brother Canada and made a friend standing in line. His name was L.P. and Josh got fed up with his goddamned sarcasm pretty quickly.

Marvel vs DC and Strippers vs Gravity

New podcast means more bullshit from Kyle and Josh.
Today’s topics: strippers, iPhones and comic book heroes.

Ghost DJs and Zombie Lotteries

The thrilling conclusion of last week’s discussion on comic book adaptations, with a bit of math and a ghost story thrown in for good measure.

Mickey Mouse Haunted House and Gotham’s Got Ham!

 

Kyle was gone building haunted houses in the Ontario boonies, but he’s back after almost a month away! Do he and Josh talk about anything interesting? Hell no! Instead Josh tells a story about dressing up as a giant rat for a 1 year old’s birthday and they both discuss how much Fox’s Gotham licks balls.

mickey knife

I swear Officer… I was just tryin’ to cut the cake!

Bored Games #5: Bohnanza

Kyle, Callie and I play the German, bean based, economics simulating, card game Bohnanza.

bohnanza

Something about hoes? I’m too hungry to write jokes.

If you hate your liver take a shot any time somebody says “bean”.

Also Kyle’s brain is tested when Josh asks him the following hypothetical questions?

1) Would you take $10M if it meant you had to transform into a Disney character everytime you ejaculated? SUBQUESTION: Which Disney character would you choose?

2) How would you take advantage of the seemingly worthless superpower of being able to see through your eyelids?

3) Would you blow a wild rhino for a rockin’ Dolph Lundgren body?

4) If you could send your consciousness back in time to inhabit the body of any 80’s superstar, who is broke and washed up by 2014, who would it be?

Which of these two dudes does Kyle secretly want to be?

Which of these two dudes does Kyle secretly want to be?

Ultimate Spider-Man is Just Twilight Fanfiction

 

Kyle says he’s “not surprised” that Jennifer Lawrence took a buncha nude selfies. Josh is still crossing his fingers that Meryl Streep’s pics get leaked.

Can you believe there are 19 episodes of this bullshit show?

 

Kitchen Fulla Heroes

 

Ok, so it’s been a while but we’re finally back. There were some technical issues with corrupted audio files and a shitty ass Internet connection and a general lack of motivation to get these episodes up, but that’s all solved now.

This is a bit of Hero Worship. Kyle and I make a list of the Top 30 people we admire, whose autographs we desire. That Rhymes AND YOU KNOW IT RHYMES!

Next week you’ll hear me, Kyle and Dan play Uno. That episode was almost lost forever and the sound isn’t the best, but stay tuned ’cause it’s pretty damned funny.

Bored Games IV: King of Tokyo

 

Today on The VTAN Podcast we give you another edition of Bored Games with our special guest Mr. Dan Fisher.

dan

His beard is good.

We tried to play  Sing King of Tokyo but ended up reminiscing about the 90’s and singing 20 year old songs like a buncha drunken sailors.

This episode is short and sweet because after we finished playing with monsters we got into the greatest most contentious game of UNO the world has ever seen. That will be another episode that we’ll release in the weeks to come.

009

SPOILER ALERT! The cat wins every game

Until then enjoy this watered down version of Pacific Rim with a bunch of dummies.
( I intentionally DIDN’T make a “Pacific Rim Job” joke. We’re way too sophisticated for that here at VTAN)

 

Bored Games #3: Smash Up!

 

 

Kyle, Callie and Josh play Smash Up! and attempt to answer the age old questions:
What kind of vegetable would you most want to bang?
What exactly is a “Steampunk Wizard”?
What’s the gayest thing that Kyle and Josh have ever done?

We even manage to work in casual racism and rape jokes…
Apologies in advance.

smashup box

Dice Roll:

Snakes and Lattes
Red Lipstick Psychology
Shot Through the Heart
Rape Condom
Cat People
Alec Trevelyan
Kyle’s Eyeballs
Harry Potter
Summer of George
Sibling Drive-alry
Traumatic Insemination
Spider-Man uses Bing
Solo Mobile
Bengals
Bangles
3 Penis Wine
Vinegar Strokes
Quatto

Skittlebräu and Chazzwazzers

 

A circle of friends is an ecosystem and, if The Simpsons have taught me anything, you don’t introduce new creatures into an ecosystem.

Today Kyle busts Josh for being a jerk to new people and we read some listener comments.

 

Memory Lane:

Big Brother Season 8
Mission Impossible II episode
The Godfather
L.M. KanSteph Not Stephanie
Kara vs. Guy Movies
Thundercats
Ariana Grande
Sam and Cat
Laverne and Shirley
Dan Schneider
iCarly
Victorious

Betcha Forgot: Musi-bation

 

Kyle wants to talk about music… Josh keeps trying to steer the conversation towards “jackin’ off”.

An epic struggle.

Apologies for the inconsistent audio quality. The middle third sounds better than anything we’ve recorded, but the beginning and end sound like we’re in a cave… underwater.

Memory Lane:

Beat the Geeks
Rock & Roll Jeopardy
1D
Burgess Meredith
Taylor Dane
Blackstreet
Pitch Perfect No Diggity
MAGIC! – Rude
Ashley MacIsaac
Great Big Sea
Informer
Joy in Small Places
Legal
Lady Marmalade
Dirrty
Memoirs of an Invisible Man
Scrambled porn
GOB
I Hear You Calling
Sam Roberts
Bedouin Soundclash
OLP
Dean Blundell
Sault Ste Marie
Joy Drop
Trebler Charger
Jonovision
Sum 41
Smirnoff Ice
Staind
Joan Osbourne
On a Day Like Today
Dishwalla
David Copperfield
The Fugees
Josie and the Pussycats
KIDS
Butt Selfies
Degrassi
Six Flags Ads
S Club Party
Agent Cody Banks 2
Sex and the City
Girls
Shiri Appleby
Pirates
Backroom Casting Couch
Beautiful Agony

Betcha Forgot 6: Vidja Gayums

 

Kyle is back and even though he’s just itching to tell us stories from being on the set of a real Hollywood movie, NDA issues have put the kibosh on that… for now.

Instead, we bring you another edition of Betcha Forgot. Kyle, being the idea guy that he is has convinced me to include a list of links to the stuff we discuss.

Check it out below.

Memory Lane:

Bubsy
Road Rash
TMNT
Edge of Tomorrow
Army Men
Columns
Blur
Uniracers
Stunt Racer FX
Virtua Fighter
Dreamcast
Jet Grind Radio
XIII
Secret of Evermore
Chrono Trigger
Final Fantasy
Super Metroid
Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
Super Mario World
Mario Kart
Goldeneye 64
Onimusha
Jean Reno in Onimusha 3
Everything or Nothing documentary
Everything or Nothing game
Bloodstone
Mass Effect
Lego Batman 2
Heavy Rain
Game of Thrones Character Names
Lucky and Wild
Simpsons Arcade Game
Lethal Enforcers
Zool
Ignition Factor
Adventures of Lo Lo
Bad Dudes
Cool Spot
Yo! Noid
Fido Dido
Time Crisis
Streets of Rage
Sega Master System
WWF Wrestlemania
WWF Wrestlemania Challenge
Nintendo Wrestling
M.U.S.C.L.E.
Nega Ninja
Blades of Steel
Hit the Ice
NFL Blitz
NFL Hitz
Kid Chameleon

 

Blackout! pt 2: The Fall of BlockBuster & The Rise of Josh

We get real in this episode. It was never meant to come out so we spoke more candidly than normal. You’ll hear LOTS of bleeps to hide names of people or other possibly incriminating details and lots of interruptions midsentence because huge sections have been cut out.

 

So if you’re a devoted listener you probably heard Kyle, Callie and I sitting at The Duke of York for our weekly trivia night when the lights went out. The blackout last April affected a pretty substantial part of the west end of Toronto.

The subway wasn’t even working so I couldn’t get home.

I take prescription medication for anxiety and my intense, irrational, fear that the power will never come back made me take more than I should have. You’ll notice I talk super fast and you can tell by how I talk that I’m riding an intense high.

Kyle and Callie, (heretofore to be known as Kylie) being proud “Eastenders” where pretty sure their building would have power.

In Part 1 of The Blackout we walked to Kylie’s and the episode ended right before we got into one of our famous 6 hour conversations since I figured nobody would want to hear it.

I managed to chop it into just under an hour of interesting conversation.

In this episode I try to convince Kyle to watch One Direction: This is Us on Blu-Ray and since he vehemently refuses we end up talking about the poor business decisions that caused BlockBuster Video to go out of business, my rampant alcoholism, the possibility of having a child and being a good parent and all the reasons why, after taking a crazy ride on the pussy train and having a revolving door of meaningless sexual relationships, I don’t want to date

ever again.

The intro song is Gold Rush by Ed Sheeran.
Buy his album.

The Legend of VTAN: A Link to the ‘Cast (part 1)

Literally no one, except for me, has been excited for this episode to come out, but it’s finally here and I’m giddy with girlish glee.

 

Kyle and I decided one lazy Sunday afternoon to play Zelda III from start to finish.

Since he’s gonna be gone for another 3 weeks I re-purposed this recording, which I had never intended on releasing, and turned it into a new edition of the VTAN Podcast.

Once Kyle returns we can go back to having real  episodes.

BLACKOUT! (Kill the Lights)

A few weeks ago there was a pretty big blackout that affected some parts of downtown Toronto. I was at The Duke of York for Tuesday Night Pub Stumpers Trivia so I took out my iTelephone and began recording the shenanigans.

 

On this special edition Kyle, Callie and I are joined by two of our trivia team members, Eric and Rowena, as we navigate a dark pub and the apocalyptic streets of T.O.

Find out what happens when we Kill The Lights

Kyle will be gone for the next 6 weeks and so in order to pass time I’ve been listening to recordings of his voice to fill the empty void in my soul. It only worries me when I start trying to have a conversation with these recordings.

To stop myself from becoming the kind of crazy person who talks to himself, I’m gonna try to actually get some use out of the recordings we never intended to release to the public.

Also, we’re finally  on the iTunes click here to subscribe and while you’re there downloading our podcast FOR FREE, buy some of David Usher’s songs. He’s my number one favourite recording artist of all time and it’s always good to support Canadian Arts.

Footnotes:

Kill the Lights (Accoustic Ver.)
Duke of York
Toronto to Barrie
Wentworth Miller comes out
CHUD
Skittle Bräu
Magic: The Gathering
Joe Flaherty
Jim Flaherty Dies
Rock Death Hoax
Ultimate Warrior Dies
John Pinette Dies
Mickey Rooney Dies
Canada Gun Ownership
Our friend Brian’s Uncle Fred
Kill the Lights

Betcha Forgot 5

 

Kyle and Josh start an impromptu forgot-athon only to be interrupted, partway through, by Callie’s insistence on bringing up current events like some kind of… responsible adult.

Like the man child he is, Josh ignores her attempts at “real conversation” and he and Kyle take another one of their strolls down memory lane.

Bet YOU forgot about:

Miko Hughes
Police Academy
Starship Troopers: Roughnecks
Lost in Space
Lacey Chabert
Not Another Teen Movie
Who’s Karl?
Perfect Score ScarJo Panties
Troma Films
Carob Bars
Twitches
Cosby
Sitcoms Missing Siblings
Fresh Prince 4th Wall
Robocop Cartoon
Beetlejuice Cartoon
Biker Mice From Mars
Sailor Moon
Digimon
Denver the Last Dinosaur
Widget
Beverly Hills Teens
Dudley the Dragon
Dutch Ruder
Tickle Me Elmo
Wrestling Buddies
Stretch Armstrong

You’re Tearing Me Apart, Lisa!

I’ve seen a lot of movies in my day. Most have been good, some have been bad, but never did I dream of watching a movie so transcendentally bad that, like Alexander, I wept because “there were no more worlds to conquer”

Of course the movie I’m describing is Tommy Wiseau’s 2003 masterpiece The Room.

the-room

OH, HAI!

After being told by almost everyone how great this movie is, I finally sat down and watched it with my friends Kyle and Callie. This movie is 11 years old. You could say I’m a little late to the party.

Here’s our special commentary track for you to enjoy.

 

Betchya Forgot 4

What do Rachael Leigh Cook and Alicia Silverstone have in common?

100412-alicia-silverstone-clueless-Rachael-Leigh-Cook-birthday-340     besides the fact that Josh spent his adolescence FURIOUSLY MASTURBATING to their movies...

besides the fact that Josh spent his adolescence FURIOUSLY MASTURBATING to their movies…

You probably forgot about both of them!

What else have you forgotten?

On today’s episode: Battle Dome, Aaron Carter, Delta Burke, Jake Lloyd and more!

 

 

Bored Games: 7 Wonders

I told you we’d be back. As long as people are misguided enough to invite me over to play board games I’m gonna keep recording the conversations.

Just like Nixon.

SHUT UP, That's why!

SHUT UP, That’s why!

So here we are discussing technology, genetics, artificial intelligence and its potential to wipe out humanity.

We talk about sexual fetishism and the pros and cons of pleading insanity as a murder defense.

More than anything we discuss religion and the nature of God all while playing what is possibly the greatest board game of all time!

7w

André the Giant NOT included.

Click here to download, or use the player above to stream.

Betcha Forgot vol. 3

It’s that time again, children. More ‘membering!
[editor’s note: yes, that is the title of the sequel to Josh’s sex tape]

In this episode we discuss many of the shards of your childhood that have slipped your mind, but we also spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the sexual applications of Fun Dip.

I can't be the ONLY ONE who's confused one of these for a condom in a dark room before.

I can’t be the ONLY ONE who’s confused one of these for a condom in a dark room before.

 

What the hell else are you gonna do for the next 20 minutes?

Click here to download
since I’m still too lazy to put this on iTunes, or use the player above to stream.

 

Bored Games

Anyone with even a passing familiarity with me will know that I often throw myself, enthusiastically, into multiple projects that we all know I’ll never follow through with.

Here’s yet another!

Bored Games.

A chronicle of the insane (and/or inane) conversations that spring up when playing board games with my friends. We’ve already recorded 4 of these so it’ll be a true testament to my laziness if this is the only one that ever comes out.

On today’s installment: Lord of The Rings Risk!!! The game of global domination with a Middle Earth twist.

risk

“Six sided dice are for PUSSIES!”- Gary Gygax, 1979

Join my friends Kyle, Callie and me as we discuss every bodily function in sweet, intimate detail as well as pop culture, the acceptability of slur words and all the matters of the heart.

If we make more I’ll put ’em on iTunes. For now click here to download or use the built in player above to stream

 

 

 

 

Betcha Forgot! vol. 2

It’s that time again. More pointless reminiscing from Kyle and Josh.

Press Play to Stream Or Click Here to Download

I bet you forgot that we did this last week…
if you haven’t it’s probably not for lack of trying.

On today’s docket:
Carmen Sandiego
PBS’s Ghostwriter
90’s game shows
and just exactly what role YTV played in awakening Josh’s burgeoning bestiality fetish.

(That last one’s a joke that only makes sense if you listen)

Betcha Forgot!

Stream Online
Or Download Now

 
Josh first met Kyle “K-Hutch” Hutchinson when they both worked at Blockbuster Video. They developed a fast friendship based on Rob Gordon’s 1st Commandment of Social Interaction, “It’s what you like, not what you are like that matters.”

Having few other people in their lives who understand their “language” Kyle and Josh speak to each other in a sort of shorthand code composed of inside jokes and pop culture references.

They spend an inordinate amount of time nostalgically remembering old movies and TV shows constantly trying to one up each other to see who knows more.

Despite no longer working together, they keep their friendship strong by marathon video gaming sessions and special board game nights every time that Josh gets the urge to show up at the door step… uninvited.

These are their adventures.

Host the Handsome Guest

Today Jaron Francis, the sexy and good looking half of Long Distance Bromance, left the big city and returned home to Saskatoon.

He came for a week and kept me company while the lovely CousCous was off globetrotting and visiting her family.

It was weird having him here. It had been so long since I had seen him and the last time he stayed with me my life was radically different from how it is now. Even though we’re constantly connected through the internet and we do the podcast every two weeks, not seeing him in person for so long sort of made me mythologize him in my mind.

I am a Golden God!

I am a Golden God!

It was fun to just relax like a pair of normal dudes, have a few drinks, enjoy some of Toronto’s finest hippie cuisine and wander the city for hours.

We walked everywhere this past week. I have a pedometer and I usually top out around 6,000 steps per day, or 15,000 on days when I go for my crazy walks. We averaged 8000 steps per day.

Not bad for a couple of hungover deviants amiright?

I would’ve written a post sooner this week. So much has happened but I wanted to maximize the amount of time spent having fun rather than writing about it.

I’m going to come back and make a proper post. For now enjoy this 100% genuine and unscripted video of me seeing Jaron for the first time in years!

Fulfill the Apparent Obligation

I’m blogging right now because I feel like I should.

It’s an odd feeling. Usually I’ve got something I want to make a comment on, or something that I need to get off my chest. Right now I feel so tired and unmotivated but I’m forcing myself to be productive rather than just laze about on my couch playing Pokémon and listening to podcasts.

It’s not that I don’t have anything interesting to write about, this past week has been chock full of stimulating events! I guess that I just feel a lot happier than I have in a long time.

I find that more often than not I write as a sort of cathartic exercise, the whole point of this blog was to be therapeutic but I’ve just been in such a good mood that I haven’t felt the need to unload like I usually do.

What a tragedy it would be to be happy. If it turns out that being gloomy is my only inspiration for writing (what not an insignificant number of people have called) a good blog that would be pretty ironic.

In the end my pessimistic nature wins out and I just sit here waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s like so much has been going well that I’m expecting the world to throw me a curve ball and fuck me over.

So what’s this lucky streak I’ve been going on?

If you listen to my podcast you’ve probably heard that my bromantic partner Jaron, is most likely moving back to Toronto. I’m so excited. This guy is just so fun to be around and as much as I’ve enjoyed our Long Distance Bromance, I’ve missed being able to hang out.

Also for those of you too cool to keep up with these types of things, over the last 6 weeks or so Youtube, in conjunction with NeatherRealm Studios, has been hosting a tournament to promote the new video game Injustice: Gods Among Us. They took the top 16 greatest heroes and villains of the DC Universe and pit them against one another in a grand battle royale to determine, once and for all, who is the greatest.

One by one the lesser heroes fell by the wayside until only two remained. The final match up was between Batman and Superman. It’s no secret who I was rooting for.

batgod

And on the seventh day he rested… on his awesome Bat Throne

I’m embarrassed to admit how important the outcome to this fight was. I had a lot riding on it emotionally and I don’t know how I would’ve reacted if Batman had lost and I was forced to soak up all the smug “I told you so’s” of the Super Fan Club. Fortunately The Dark Knight proved himself the superior combatant and now the world will have no choice but to agree with me.

My sister’s recent health scare is still an area of concern, but she’s been adjusting well and so far has been maintaining a positive attitude. She frequently updates me on how good her levels are and it makes me smile.

And finally the biggest and most exciting news of all. Things have been progressing very well with my new girlfriend. She’s just so amazing and I enjoy every moment I’m lucky enough to spend with her. Very rarely do I connect with a person so immediately and on so many levels. She’s way smarter and funnier than me and so goddamned pretty that I sometimes have to look at her through the cracks between my fingers because I’m using my hands to cover my blushing face. She’s just so super cute and literally makes me explode with happiness!

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ATTN: Grammar Nazis
I’m not using it incorrectly!

I guess the only thing that bothers me right now is how incomplete this recent happiness feels. Like it’s tainted by some lingering shadow.

I’ve been clinically depressed for a long time now and in my head I know that having a good week where everything, even the weather, is perfect doesn’t mean I’m cured. I can’t help but feel suspicious of this happiness. I’ve trained myself to deal with the worst and so I feel like my defenses are always up on high alert, like if I brace myself for something to go wrong then it won’t hurt so much because I was prepared for it.

I feel that it’s not possible to be truly relaxed if part of me is on high alert.

I’m still looking forward to the day when I can finally be fully, comfortably at peace.

But maybe that’s an unrealistic goal.

Disturb the Sleeping Giant

Thanks to an unfortunate, yet serendipitous, typo I’ve started using a new internet acronym that I’d like to share with you all.

WYF!

It stands for “What ye fucke!” the olde timey way of voicing one’s displeasure without spelling out full words and still retaining a bit of quaint ol’ fashioned charm.

Right now it’s the only invective that adequately expresses how I feel about the newest trailer for World War Z.

Brad Pitt...Go Fuck Yourself!

Brad Pitt…
Go Fuck Yourself!

What ye fucke, indeed?

In order to give everyone a bit of context, and I’m sure it will become clear in the coming paragraphs, I am obviously deeply disturbed when it comes to my love for this book. World War Z is my 100% absolute favourite book EVER!

This movie, on the other hand…

On the short list of things that I don’t joke about, one of the very few topics I consider out of bounds, or taboo is Cancer. My aunt died of brain cancer when I was a teenager. She was one of my favourite people in the world. Her passing is still among the worst days of my life. I don’t take it lightly.

That being said, this movie looks like the cinematic equivalent of infant bone cancer. They could’ve called it Osteosarcoma and it would have been a more appropriate title.

That’s how much I love this book and how bad this trailer made me feel.

Ridiculous hyperbole aside, people who are unfamiliar with the book often ask me “What’s it about?” and I have never been able to answer that question in less than 45 minutes. Lots of folks will try to deconstruct it and say dumb things like “It’s about zombies!” and to them I say, after a chastising (but affectionate) backhand to the face “That’s like saying The Bible is about a bunch of shepherds!”

Cmdr. Shepard Systems Alliance N7 Special ForcesFirst Human Spectre for the Citidel Council, Messiah

Cmdr. Shepard, Systems Alliance Space Navy: N7 Special Forces,
Citadel Council’s First Human Spectre,
Carpenter and Messiah.

I went on a crazy rant about it on this week’s Long Distance Bromance so I’ll try to reign in the ire on this blog. The less I talk about it the better, because so far it’s just been a source of grief and it get’s me irrationally angry the more I think about it. Over the past few months I’ve been making a concentrated effort to feel better about myself and life in general so I won’t say any more on this sore subject. You’ve got to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative,

So instead of the anti-Brad Pitt tirade that will make me seem even crazier, I want to take some time to write about something positive.

I went on a date Thursday. It was the second time I went out with this girl. She’s super cute and super cool and I’m eagerly awaiting the opportunity to see her again. In addition to being very pretty she’s a great conversationalist and funny too. The plan was to meet for a quick bite to eat, she was taking me to sample some of Kensington Market’s finest vegan desserts. We ended up staying for hours just talking and laughing until the guy behind the counter’s dirty looks forced us to stop loitering long after we had finished.

Not wanting the fun to end we wound up wandering around aimlessly taking in the mild weather and sporadic sunshine just enjoying one another’s company. At one point during our walk we found a pair of discarded books just laid out on the ground. We each took one, sort of as a souvenir.

photo(8)

“I’ve often felt like a discarded book… waiting for someone to take the time to stop and pick me up off the floor.”
-Unknown Hipster Poet

We wrapped up the evening back at my apartment where we got a little snuggly on my couch and tried to outmatch each other while watching Jeopardy!

Sounds like a dream girl, amiright?

Most people will probably take for granted the normalcy of this kind of interaction and are probably asking themselves, “So what? Big Deal!”

The big deal is that I’m notoriously misanthropic. I don’t get along with very many people and the times when I actually DO find people I like, they, for whatever reason, don’t seem to like me. To find someone who piques my interest AND who can tolerate me is amazing.

Again, I feel like I’m flogging a dead horse with all the podcast plugs but I tell some crazy online dating horror stories on the newest LDB. I wasn’t having the best luck and was feeling discouraged but one of my favorite bloggers has been a source of inspiration with her recent positive experiences in the world of internet dating. Read her blog, she’s insightful and snarky!

At this point I’m not expecting too much. I’m happy just getting to know this girl and am looking forward to spending more time together. Where it goes nobody knows, but what I do know is that I’ve been on 2 dates with this girl and I’ve enjoyed every second. We’ll all just have to stay tuned to see what happens next.